he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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