shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Threesome in a minivan. New low
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
