what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
