your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
