on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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