my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
