butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
if only i could text you this smell
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
