duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
