How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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