i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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