i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
