I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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