I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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