First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The adults are the big ones right?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize