He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
