It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
