my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
