I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
