Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
