Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
