Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
