worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
