I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
