i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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