Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
