I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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