ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
