Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
