I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
