my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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