Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
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