She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
