wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
