no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
