Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
