In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
is that a dick in a sweater?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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