This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
