You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Randomize
