I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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