Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
two words: eviction party
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
His nipple licking is glorious
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