shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
