I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
