I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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