You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
