When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
