Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
