Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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