Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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