I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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