Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
