I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
