I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
