Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
