i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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