Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
