Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
