my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
