so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Who did Billy Mays play for?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
