if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize