Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
