My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
