I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
