I should be sponsored by Trojan
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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