i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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