God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
