I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
