I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
