i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
