How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
