well you can't waste a boner
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
