This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
