What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Drunk is not a location!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
