on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
