The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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